Directing the Power of Conscious Feelings- Living Your Own Truth Read online

  To assemble our stories we use conjugations of the word is: am, are, was, were, along with the modal and auxiliary verbs—has, have, had, do, does, did, may, might, must, can, could, should, would, shall, and will, and also the not forms, such as is not, am not, are not, and so on.

  These concepts function as a glue that holds two completely unrelated things together in a story that would not stay together without the glue, such as, I am angry. That is scary. This job is impossible. Bob is a jerk. Dave is my sweetheart. They are evil. This is a great book. As much as you might want to believe that the stories you just made up are not stories but the irrefutable truth, they are nothing more than stories created with Is-Glue. You created them. Without you putting two things together with Is-Glue there would be no story.

  For example, the two unrelated things in the first sentence above, I am angry, are the I, and the angry. The am is the Is-Glue. The I part and the angry part are not connected at all until the Is-Glue is applied to hold them together. If the two things are left disconnected, then the I remains as I, and the experience of anger is regarded like this: anger arises. The anger comes and passes, retaining its neutrality without meaning anything in particular.

  When feelings are respected as neutral they have more chance of being authentic feelings rather than emotions with all their entangled meanings. Authentic anger can then, for example, provide energy and information to ask for what you want, make boundaries, start something, stop something, make a distinction, make a decision, and so on.

  Imagine not being aware of Is-Glue!

  Imagine how the stories unconsciously created by your Box would automatically establish:

  • Expectations (You should . . .; I must . . .)

  • Projections (You are . . .; You can’t . . .)

  • Beliefs (Thou shalt not . . .; It is . . .; I am . . .)

  • Interpretations (We have to . . .; We cannot . . .; There won’t be . . .)

  • Assumptions (I am . . .; I have to . . .; They will . . .)

  • Conclusions (There isn’t . . .; I’m not . . .; They must . . .)

  Your daily life, relationships and possibilities are framed up within the thousand Is-Glued stories that support the positions of your Box.

  Without knowledge of Is-Glue you regard your expectations, projections, beliefs, etc., as rock-solid truths rather than as tissue paper– thin fabrications as flimsy as the wind. You would then also regard the other person’s stories as equally solid. When two solidly true stories disagree about the “truth,” the result is war. Look at human history.

  Without recognizing Is-Glue your stories have the power to force your whole life to circle round and round within past patterns, not recognizing that something completely different from this is possible right now for you.

  Is-Glued stories include:

  • I am the best.

  • I am the prettiest.

  • I am the smartest.

  • I am the fastest.

  • I cannot do what I really want to do.

  • I must play the roles offered by society.

  • I am powerless.

  • I am sneaky enough to get what I want anyway.

  • I can scam the rules.

  • I am exhausted.

  • I can’t do this.

  • It is impossible.

  • It is too easy.

  • I am bored.

  • Men are like that.

  • Women are like that.

  • Americans are like that.

  • I am lonely.

  • Nobody does understand me.

  • Relationships don’t really work for me.

  • My parents are the problem.

  • My boss is the problem.

  • My neighbors are the problem.

  • My children are the problem.

  • The government is the problem.

  • My partner is not really interested in me.

  • I don’t have enough time for myself.

  • It is always like this.

  • I am not good enough.

  • There is no way out of this.

  MAP OF IS-GLUE AND IS-GLUE DISSOLVER

  World Copyright © 2010 owner Clinton Callahan grants permission to use. www.nextculture.org

  Humans live confined within stories. Stories are assembled using the concept of is to attach meaning to incidents. The resultant feelings then confirm the truth of the story we just made up. Is-Glue uses: is, am, are, was, were, etc., and also the not forms, such as is not, am not, etc. Here are some samples: John IS a jerk! This IS impossible. I CAN’T do this. I AM exhausted. The weather IS terrible. I AM angry. I AM scared. This IS a wonderful day. We ARE a great team.

  Fortunately, things need not stay Is-Glued forever. Next to the Is-Glue on your nonlinear tool belt you have Is-Glue Dissolver, which you can use to reinvent your stories about yourself, other people, and the world. For example, you can say, “I have changed my mind. I withdraw my previous assertion that I am not a good singer. My new story is: I sing in my own voice.” Then tell your new story to three different people today.

  And on and on and on and on and on and on and on, all day and all night, confined exactly to the limits of the stories you tell.

  As you become more and more aware of how precisely stories define your life, you may develop an urge to modify some of them.

  IS-GLUE DISSOLVER

  Fortunately for you, next to the tube of Is-Glue on your nonlinear tool belt is a spray bottle full of Is-Glue Dissolver. With Is-Glue Dissolver you can Pfffft! Pfffft! the Is-Glue and it releases its grip. Story components disconnect and you can replace them with entirely new elements.

  Applying Is-Glue Dissolver is most effective if you first distill the original story down to its essential form. For example, if the story confronting you has something to do with not being successful because of how long it takes for you to learn things compared to other people, who seem to get it much faster than you, write the story down in its simplest Is-Glued formulation. In this example the distilled story might be, I am a slow learner. The I and the slow learner are the two components that are held together with the Is-Glue am.

  While distilling the elements of your story you may experience memory flashes of incidents that have long been unconsciously used to support your story. Try to notice the memory flashes in detail and admit how formative they have been. These memories are the evidence you used to convince yourself that your old story was a true story.

  You’ve been assuming that your story is true . . .

  You thought it was a true story . . .

  Here we come to an interesting question. How could a story be true??? Stories are stories! Made up out of Is-Glue! You make them yourself. With Is-Glue Dissolver you can now remake them yourself.

  Spray your old story with Is-Glue Dissolver. The two parts slide easily away from each other. Suddenly you have the I part of the story in one hand and the slow learner part of the story in the other hand. The am has been dissolved.

  Keep the I part of the story. You will need it for your new story. Put the slow learner part of the old story on a mental shelf. (You can always Is-Glue your story back the old way if you are not satisfied with how the new story turns out.)

  Then reach into an imaginary Bag of Things on your nonlinear tool belt and pull out something else to Is-Glue to the I. Choose something that empowers you. For example, I . . . am . . . a thorough learner.

  Does this new story empower you? Yes. Can you find memory flashes to use as evidence for valuing yourself as a thorough learner? Yes. The world is rich in evidence. There is evidence to support any story you might want to create for yourself. So there is evidence to support the story that you are a thorough learner. Recognizing stories as reinventable changes them from prison bars to vehicles for exploring new territories.

  Once you have Is-Glued your new story together find someone and say, “I have changed my mind about myself. I withdraw my previous assertion that I am a
slow learner. My new story is: I am a thorough learner.”

  Then tell only your new story to three additional people today; just add it as a sideways comment into any conversation—even with a grocery store check-out clerk. Just say, “I’ve realized that I am a thorough learner. That’s why I bought these potatoes.”

  Then at night when you are brushing your teeth, look at yourself in the mirror and say to yourself: “I am a thorough learner. Hi there, thorough learner!”

  Keep practicing your skills of reinventing stories. For example:

  • I can actually do whatever I really want to do.

  • Relationships are a rapid-learning environment for me.

  • I can take on different roles from those offered by society.

  • I have my center, my sword of clarity, and my power back.

  • It is hopeless the way it is. It cannot continue this way. This is a good thing.

  • My problems are the procedure of my own development.

  • Learning why I stay stuck is the way to freedom.

  • It is always a new opportunity.

  • I am well engaged.

  • I can try again and again to do this, and along the way I can ask anybody for help.

  • It is not impossible. It is what it is.

  • My parents are representatives of all previous wisdom.

  • My boss shows commitment to his Box’s perceptions.

  • My neighbors live in a culture of diverse intelligences.

  • My children are finding their way into an uncertain future.

  • The government only has the power that I grant to it. I can withdraw that power.

  • My partner also has the ability to reinvent stories.

  • I have faith that something useful is emerging from my life.

  • There is no way out of the here and now.

  On and on and on and on and on and on and on, all day and all night reinventing stories so they form stepping stones into a bright and interesting future.

  Three cheers for Is-Glue Dissolver!

  REWIRING FEELINGS

  Now that you have clarity about Is-Glue and Is-Glue Dissolver you can use it to rewire the Old Map of Four Feelings that we examined in the previous chapter. Rewiring a thoughtmap is exactly what each person did five hundred years ago when they shifted from a flat-world map to a round-world map. Just as it changed the world for our ancestors, rewiring a thoughtmap can change the way the whole world works for you. It is a significant action.

  No one else can do this action for you. If you want the new results you will need to do the thoughtmap shift yourself. It is internal self-surgery. To rewire a thoughtmap, first identify the specifics of your present way of thinking. How does it look to you now? How do things always go? How is it supposed to be? It may help to draw the connections out on a piece of paper.

  Once you can see your present thoughtmap in front of you, use Is-Glue Dissolver to disconnect the details of the old thoughtmap from the stories that disempower you. Then use Is-Glue to connect the same details to new meanings that provide greater utility, more freedom of movement, more options, more love, more joy, and so on.

  For example, on the Old Map of Four Feelings, one detail is the assumption that substantiates the entire thoughtmap: It is not okay to feel. Reduced to its minimum, the old story about feelings is: feeling is not okay. The experience called feeling is fastened to the meaning not okay using the Is-Glue is. To create a New Map of Four Feelings you would begin by rewiring the underlying assumption so that it carries a new story.

  If you energetically reach deep into every bone, muscle and tissue of your body and thoroughly pull out this story with your two hands and hold it before you at arm’s length (feeling is not okay). Then you can spray it (lightly) with Is-Glue Dissolver (Pfffft! Pfffft!). Without effort the two components come apart. You end up with feeling in your left hand, and not okay in your right hand. Nothing holds them together anymore. The is is gone.

  You can place the not okay part on a mental shelf to your right so it remains available for reuse if you ever want to have the old story back. The feeling part remains in your left hand. The question then arises: what could you Is-Glue feelings to that would open doors to vast new areas of energy and wisdom?

  How about this: feelings are okay.

  That is one possible story; it certainly counteracts the not okay from the old story, but the new story it creates is not so exciting . . .

  You have a tremendous freedom of movement when there is no story binding you. Let’s take a moment to explore a bit. What about choosing a particularly extraordinary story? Something that would let you apply the energy and information of your feelings in the most critical of situations?

  What about this: feelings (do) serve me professionally. Could that work?

  If you want to try out this new story, apply just a dab of Is-Glue to the feelings, still held in your left hand. The particular conjugation of Is-Glue to use is the unspoken word do. Then slam the two components of your new story together (splat).

  There, you have it! You have reinvented your story about feelings. Your new story is: Feelings (do) serve me professionally. Very cool! This will be the basis for our New Map of Four Feelings.

  REWIRING FEAR

  Before getting to the main new feelings map, let us first do a further experiment in rewiring. Let us rewire the meaning of the experience of fear.

  On the Old Map of Four Feelings whenever you experience fear its associated meanings cause you to rebound from whatever it is that caused the fear. For example, if a strange person approaches you while you are walking on the sidewalk you look away. If a loud sound happens you may jump or scream. If a problem appears to be overwhelming (e.g., starving children in America, women sex slaves in the Middle East, an AIDS epidemic in Russia, involuntary organ donors in Chinese prisons), you probably won’t even see it. This is because these things are frightful, and fear is to be avoided.

  For most people fear is hardwired at a deep level to mean bad, negative, dangerous, watch out, go back, I’ll get hurt, I will die, and so on. Creepy, dark, hairy monsters with sharp claws and stinking breath are about to tear your guts out and eat them . . . that sort of thing. Fear is bad. It isn’t the experience of fear but the meaning of fear that stops you.

  This knee-jerk reaction when you have the experience of fear is what keeps you away from the edges of your Box. You don’t live in your whole Box. You live in the center of your Box, in the sweet, familiar, comfortable, controlled [boring, dead] marshmallow zone of your Box. Probably ten times a day something brings you to the edge of your Box, where, if you stayed there, you would have a new experience and your Box would expand. Instead you bounce away from the frightening edges back into the marshmallow zone of your Box so fast that you likely don’t even notice you were at an edge.

  Something can be done about the way fear is wired in your mind. The first step is to look at the way you have it wired now. Spend a few minutes jotting down what fear is for you. How does fear make you stop doing what you want to do? What does fear mean to you? Does it mean uncertainty? Sudden death? Loud shouting? Danger? When fear rises up your spine, what is your response? Write these down.

  This is how you have fear wired in your mind, in your soul. Look at what you wrote. Visualize the wire that connects your experience of fear to one or more of these interpretations about what the fear means.

  Now imagine that you can simply snip the connection with a small pair of cutting pliers. This gives you freedom to move the fear end of the wire to a new meaning and to solder it there. What meaning would you choose? The Map of Rewiring the Feeling of Fear provides a visual guide in case you wish to do this rewiring surgery on yourself now.

  THE LIQUID STATE

  While you perform the changeover surgery from, for example, Fear is dangerous to Fear is fear, there will be a short in-between state during which time the experience of fear is not wired to any meaning at all. Try to notice when this is
happening. Your in-between state may feel like a momentary dizziness, confusion, uncertainty, perhaps even nausea. This liquid state is important because if there is no liquid state, things are not at liberty to reorder themselves in relationship to each other. Without a liquid state there would be no real change of your Box.

  The middle time—after the old meaning is cut away and before the new meaning is soldered on—is a crucial stage in any authentic transformational process. Therefore, liquid states in any of the four bodies (physical, intellectual, emotional or energetic) will be a significant element during the years of your rite of passage into adulthood.

  MAP OF REWIRING THE FEELING OF FEAR

  World Copyright © 2010 owner Clinton Callahan grants permission to use. www.nextculture.org

  As an adult you have the option of using Is-Glue Dissolver to disconnect your childhood wiring and to use Is-Glue to rewire what fear means to you. This is a form of self-surgery. No one can do it for you. One particular rewiring is astonishingly powerful: when you attach the red wire of fear directly across to the red wire of fear. Then when you feel afraid, you get the information fear is fear (which also just happens to be the truth). In your neutral experience you choose how to use the energy and information of the fear, such as to pay attention, create something out of nothing, innovate, take precautions, plan ahead, give a warning, ask nonlinear questions, etc.

  It can help if you develop a new strategy for using liquid states that may at first seem counterintuitive, particularly to the Box. Whenever you get the chance, whenever the door opens, navigate to the liquid state.

  MAP OF THE LIQUID STATE

  World Copyright © 2010 owner Clinton Callahan grants permission to use. www.nextculture.org

  Shifting shape from Box A to Box B is traumatic enough. The physical, intellectual, emotional or spiritual liquid states are scary and uncomfortable. Your Box quickly reestablishes rigidity in its new form and builds stories to support its new views from Box B. One day the fog lifis at the horizon and it becomes apparent that there exists a Box C. What? Nobody ever told you about Box C! That’s because Box C cannot be seen from Box A; it only comes into view from Box B. “I wonder what that could be about?” you wonder. Soon your curiosity gets the best of you and you make the leap. Again you enter the liquid state. Again your Box changes shape, and soon you find yourself in Box C. Only this time the journey through the liquid state took a little longer. And Box C is smaller and less stable than Box B. The smoke settles and the dust clears. Then over the next horizon a new image comes into view. “Oh my God! Box D? Inconceivable! Who ever heard of a Box D? I wonder what is over there?” The liquid state comes a little easier this time. The pattern of solid to liquid to solid feels more familiar. After a few more times you are headed for Box L. At that point the length of time between solid states becomes longer than the time resting in any particular form. Your strategy shifts away from being oriented toward the defensive positionality of form, and toward the expansive process of formlessness. In this moment you discover through experience that the nature of reality is groundlessness (P. Chödrön), and that human beings are actually designed to fly!