Radiant Joy Brilliant Love Read online

  © 2007, Clinton Callahan.

  All rights reserved. It is copyright law that no part of this book may be reproduced in any manner without written permission from the publisher, except in the case of quotes used in critical articles and reviews. And, copyright owner hereby grants permission for readers to copy and use portions of this book as study material in discussion groups, seminars, trainings, websites, newsletters, ezines or power-point presentations provided that the material is given for free, that proper reference is given for maps and exercises to Possibility Management, and that copies include the following copyright block:

  © World Copyright 2007 by Clinton Callahan. Excerpted from the book Radiant Joy Brilliant Love – Secrets for Creating an Extraordinary Life and Profound Intimacy With Your Partner. You are granted permission to copy and distribute this excerpt as long as it is given for free and this author, copyright and website block is included on each copy. All other rights are reserved. To get a free email subscription to SPARKs click on PUBLICATIONS/NEWSLETTER buttons of www.callahan-academy.com. Thanks for experimenting with Possibility Management!

  Cover, layout and design: Zachary Parker, Kadak Graphics, Prescott, Arizona.

  Photo of author: Laurent Belmonte, www.LaurentBelmontePhotographe.com.

  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

  Callahan, Clinton.

  Radiant joy, brilliant love: secrets for creating an extraordinary life and profound intimacy with your partner / by Clinton Callahan.

  p. cm.

  ISBN 978-1-890772-72-7 (pbk.: alk. paper)

  1. Man-woman relationships. 2. Love. 3. Intimacy (Psychology) I. Title.

  HQ801.C265 2007

  646.7’8--dc22

  2007036859

  DISCLAIMER: This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information regarding the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering relationship, emotional, or psychological counseling, medical treatment, or other professional services. If professional advice or expert assistance is required, readers are advised to seek the services of a competent professional.

  HOHM PRESS

  P.O. Box 2501

  Prescott, AZ 86302

  1-800-381-2700

  http://www.hohmpress.com

  This book was printed in the U.S.A. on recycled, acid-free paper using soy ink.

  1 2 3 4 5

  To the One who pushes the ones who push the pens.

  Acknowledgements

  I am grateful to:

  Pauline Aiko Lamprecht who first introduced me to the experience of “Countenance,” without warning, one Monday afternoon in a noisy, smoke-filled Viennese café in the fall of 1994. As my reality horizon expanded into infinity and I could hardly breathe, she calmly said that she never opens this door for anyone. She just waits until someone visits.

  Mayli, Aiko’s teacher, who obviously trains her students with a rare deference.

  Clinton Callahan Jr., my father, a King who read this whole manuscript out loud to my mother Virginia, who can’t read anymore, just so she could hear what it says.

  My ex-wife; my not-ex-daughters; and every person who has ever encouraged me to learn more about love.

  Sue Nestrud, who spent hundreds of unpaid hours transforming piles of badly recorded talk tapes into words on paper that built the foundation for this project.

  Tilman and Dagmar Neubronner of Genius Verlag, whose unmitigated enthusiasm for our work and for revolutions in general helped entice this book out of the womb.

  Regina Sara Ryan and the Hohm Press team, who excel in the compassionate art of working kindly with cantankerous authors to make a better book.

  Werner and Hannelore Lutz, whose creative financial ideas and simple exuberance for life greatly supported the final writing of this book.

  E. J. Gold, who moves faster than the speed of evolution for the benefit of all beings everywhere; and his student Mike McDonnell, for all those hours talking to me about responsibility under the streetlights on the far side of midnight.

  Anyone who has ever tried (or even wanted to try) to write a book that would somehow help people, because many of those books have helped me.

  Everyone who participated in Possibility Manager Laboratories experimenting together to discover what works and what does not work.

  Marion, for being the listening into which Radiant Joy Brilliant Love could be written.

  Lee Lozowick, a man who has many secrets but none worth telling, because he knows that a person keeps only what they authentically discover themselves. You are a space through which Archetypal Love does its work in the world (just my opinion). This manuscript was completed only because you said, “I want to see the book.” Where the words are best the words are yours. Thank you for never ceasing to kick the ass connected to this one.

  Contents

  Introduction — 1

  Part I. Expansive Learning — 11

  Chapter 1. Learning About Joy and Love — 13

  Part II. The Ordinary — 27

  Chapter 2. Ordinary Relationship / Ordinary Love — 29

  Section 2-A. Ordinary Relationship /Ordinary Love — 30

  Section 2-B. Ordinary Human Communication — 32

  Section 2-C. Low Drama — 35

  Section 2-D. Handbook for Ordinary Human Relationships — 38

  Chapter 3. Ordinary Man and Ordinary Woman — 51

  Section 3-A. Matriarchy and Patriarchy — 51

  Section 3-B. Getting Through Patriarchal Defenses — 55

  Section 3-C. Ordinary Man — 57

  Section 3-D. Ordinary Woman — 60

  Section 3-E. A Rite of Passage — 64

  Chapter 4. Some Amazing Things About Having a Mind — 74

  Section 4-A. Creative Mind — 75

  Section 4-B. Playing the Victim — 78

  Section 4-C. The Box — 81

  Chapter 5. Some Amazing Things About Having a Body — 89

  Section 5-A. Four Bodies — 89

  Section 5-B. Feelings — 92

  Section 5-C. Mixing Feelings — 97

  Section 5-D. Our Fear of Fear — 99

  Section 5-E. Two Phases of Feelings Work — 101

  Section 5-F. Loving Your Body — 102

  Section 5-G. Brain Chemistry — 104

  Part III. The Extraordinary — 107

  Chapter 6. Extraordinary Human Relationship — 109

  Section 6-A. Responsibility and Practice — 111

  Section 6-B. Adult Ego State — 113

  Section 6-C. Extraordinary Human Love — 119

  Section 6-D. The Soft Skills of Extraordinary Human Relationship — 120

  Section 6-E. New Results Come From New Actions — 124

  Section 6-F. Entering the Liquid State — 126

  Section 6-G. Authenticity — 129

  Section 6-H. About Denial and Drivers — 130

  Section 6-I. Take Possession of Your Attention — 132

  Section 6-J. Heal Yourself of Beliefs — 133

  Section 6-K. Hooked or Not Hooked — 136

  Section 6-L. Holding and Navigating Space — 140

  Section 6-M. Nit Education — 143

  Section 6-N. Meta-Conversations — 149

  Section 6-O. Using Adult Communication — 154

  Section 6-P. Four Kinds of Listening — 163

  Section 6-Q. Five Kinds of Speaking — 170

  Section 6-R. Centering — 173

  Section 6-S. Feeling Communication — 176

  Section 6-T. Build and Use a Low Drama Detector — 183

  Section 6-U. Say Yes or Say No — 187

  Section 6-V. Ask For What You Want — 189
>
  Section 6-W. Make Boundaries — 192

  Section 6-X. Going Nonlinear — 200

  Section 6-Y. Feed Your Heart and Feed Your Soul — 207

  Section 6-Z. 27 Experiments for Creating Extraordinary Human Relationship — 209

  Section 6-Ω. Ending an Extraordinary Human Relationship — 217

  Chapter 7. Edgework — 221

  Section 7-A. The Marshmallow Zone — 222

  Section 7-B. The Edges of Your Box — 224

  Section 7-C. Edgework Experiments — 227

  Section 7-D. Intimacy Edgework — 234

  Part IV. The Archetypal — 243

  Chapter 8. Archetypal Relationship / Archetypal Love — 245

  Section 8-A. You Can’t Get There From Here — 246

  Section 8-B. Love, Friendship and Sex in the Three Domains — 247

  Section 8-C. Love, Love, Archetypal Love — 248

  Section 8-D. The How To of Archetypal Love — 251

  Section 8-E. The Power of Attention — 259

  Chapter 9. A Short Course on Archetypal Man and Woman — 264

  Section 9-A. From Pain to Rocket Fuel — 265

  Section 9-B. Archetypal Man and Archetypal Woman: The Notes — 267

  Section 9-C. Creating New Identities — 275

  Chapter 10. The Pirate Sorceress Warrioress Queen Goddess Woman — 278

  Section 10-A. The Pirate Sorceress Warrioress Queen Goddess — 278

  Section 10-B. Manmaking — 281

  Section 10-C. Gorilla Basics — 291

  Chapter 11. The Pirate Magician King Spiritual Warrior Man — 295

  Section 11-A. Pirate King — 295

  Section 11-B. Spiritual Warrior — 297

  Section 11-C. Magician — 299

  Section 11-D. What is Woman? You Ask — 302

  Section 11-E. Holding Space for Woman — 304

  Chapter 12. Archetypal Relationship — 309

  Section 12-A. Archetypal Context — 310

  Section 12-B. Radical Responsibility — 313

  Section 12-C. No Such Thing as Relationship — 322

  Section 12-D. Prerequisites for Exploring Archetypal Intimacy — 325

  Section 12-E. Three Archetypal Experiments — 325

  Section 12-F. Create a Box Free Zone — 327

  Section 12-G. Serve Something Greater Than Yourself — 330

  Section 12-H. The Archetypal Chamber — 333

  Section 12-I. How to be Turned On — 334

  Section 12-J. Bright Principles and Archetypal Love — 338

  Section 12-K. Impersonal and Nonlinear Evolution — 339

  Section 12-L. Doing the Homework — 340

  Chapter 13. The Underworld — 342

  Section 13-A. The Power of Myth — 342

  Section 13-B. Map of Worlds — 346

  Section 13-C. Underworld — 349

  Section 13-D. Man’s Job in the Underworld — 357

  Section 13-E. Woman’s Job in the Underworld — 358

  Section 13-F. Map of Possibility — 360

  Section 13-G. Name Your Gremlin and Its Hidden Purpose — 366

  Section 13-H. Be Your Destiny in Action — 372

  Section 13-I. Serve As the Center of a Gameworld — 373

  Section 13-J. Report from an Underworld Journey — 377

  Part V. Countenance — 383

  Chapter 14. Reinventing People — 385

  Section 14-A. The Nine Cow Story — 386

  Section 14-B. Reinventing People — 388

  Chapter 15. The Experience of Countenance — 393

  Section 15-A. Countenance, the First Time — 393

  Section 15-B. Countenance at 30,000 Feet — 396

  Section 15-C. The Map of the Evolution of Self and Relationship — 397

  Section 15-D. Self-Sitting – Preparation for Countenance — 401

  Section 15-E. Together-Sitting – The Beginning of Countenance — 403

  Section 15-F. The Possibility of Countenance: An Experiment — 405

  Section 15-G. Requirements for Countenance — 406

  Section 15-H. Cultures Evolve — 417

  Chapter 16. Encountering the Goddess — 420

  Section 16-A. A Personal Encounter — 421

  Section 16-B. Navigating the Space of Relationship — 426

  Section 16-C. Bringing the Woman to Life — 427

  Section 16-D. An Ordinary and Extraordinary Nurturing Environment — 430

  Section 16-E. Archetypal Possibilities in Ordinary Life — 432

  Section 16-F. What to Watch Out For — 433

  Section 16-G. Your Divine Beloved — 436

  Part VI. How To Do It — 439

  Chapter 17 Protecting What Is Real — 441

  Section 17-A. No Jumping Ahead — 441

  Section 17-B. Pseudo-Archetypal Substitutes for Love — 443

  Section 17-C. Warning: Psychic Sex — 444

  Chapter 18. What About the Kids? — 451

  Section 18-A. The Phoenix Effect — 452

  Section 18-B. Archetypal Relationships with Children — 453

  Section 18-C. Your Attention and Your Children — 457

  Section 18-D. Letting Go of Your Kids — 460

  Chapter 19. What If It Is Not Working? — 464

  Section 19-A. Build Common Ground — 465

  Section 19-B. Evolution and Relationship — 467

  Section 19-C. Requiem: A New Ritual for Accepting Changes — 474

  Chapter 20. A Short Handbook on Living Happily Ever After — 476

  Section 20-A. What If It Works? — 478

  Section 20-B. Flying Instructions — 480

  Glossary of Possibility Management Terms — 484

  List of Thought-Maps — 516

  List of Experiments — 517

  References — 520

  Further Reading and Further Listening — 523

  Index — 525

  Further Experimenting — 561

  About the Author — 562

  Contact Information — 562

  Radiant Joy

  Brilliant Love

  It’s No Secret

  A man tells me he wants to leave his wife because they have not had sex in a year and their relationship is dead. Well, what did they expect? The couple had no chance from the beginning. It is not their fault. They were given no classes about how to stay ecstatically in love, no guidance for enduring intimacy’s intense delights. How could they have learned to create anything different from what was modeled by their parents? The couple tries to have relationship but the man does not know how to protect his woman’s feminine dignity. How could she risk revealing her true sensuality to him? He holds no safe sanctuary for her to unfold into! The man has no reference point for directing his attention or keeping his center, no connection to his feelings at all. He does not recognize that the thinness of his personality is his true source of power. The man could use uncertainty as a way for making right-angled turns at light-speed, bringing his woman along for the adventure. Instead he regards his inner spaciousness as a handicap and masks it with a show of toughness or professionalism. He turns to whatever the culture offers to prove his manliness – an expensive car, a corner office, the latest mobile phone. But the man himself remains adolescent, having undergone no rite of passage to shock pulses of life into his archetypal masculine structures. So the revolutionary in him who could make changes to benefit the world watches videos instead. The courageous inventor who could generate wonderful new viewpoints to lift the hearts of humanity goes gambling. The noble leader in him stays home and masturbates. This adolescent, dressed in a man’s body, remains “hook-able,” defensive, and self-centered. And his communication sucks – talking to him is like reading emails, so much is missing. He gives smart reasons instead of deriving power from admitting what he does not know. He stands arrogantly aloof instead of consoling fears through simply listening, or vaporizing barriers through speaking clearly about what else is possible. Like the rest of us who at
tended school he has been forced to sever his internal connection to deep imagination, so no flood of dynamic nonlinear actions brings his life to life. He is dead. He is dead. He thinks of his woman as something to consume like a candy bar, like a movie, like a plate of food that you can send back to the cook if you don’t like it, instead of something to create, like a possible goddess, like a temple of tenderness, like a trembling love poem. Forced to constrict himself to a mental world, it’s no secret that the only ecstasy he feels is intellectual. Thus blinded, he forfeits his natural gifts for unlocking the sensual feminine “being” before him, aching to explore worlds of sexuality beyond his wildest dreams.

  Introduction

  If you could learn to create intimacies that lead directly to true love would you be willing to start over again in relationship? If the love your heart and soul yearn to bathe in was proven to be a direct result of certain behaviors rather than a fantasy would you be willing to forget your hopelessness, forgive your partner and try again? If clear practical instructions could be given for journeying to radiant joy and brilliant Love would you begin the practices? That is the challenge of this book: What are you willing to actually try?

  The main idea of this book is quite simple. From moment to moment, no matter who you are relating to, you choose one of three kinds of love to set the tone for your relating: ordinary, extraordinary, or Archetypal.

  Our culture does not teach us to distinguish among ordinary, extraordinary or Archetypal Relationship, so you have little clarity for consciously determining the quality of relationship that you create.

  If the possibilities offered to you in this book were already provided by our culture you would not need to read this book. You would already be living in radiant joy and brilliant Love.

  A culture can only teach the level of relationship skills that is already woven into its fabric. To learn more you must venture beyond traditional limits. Our culture does not teach you how to go beyond its own limits. It could, but it does not. In many ways our present culture takes our dignity away, subjugates women, deceives men and prepares us for a lifetime of relational mediocrity. Without consciously taking actions that seem unusual by normal standards you will rarely if ever leave the familiar but heartbreaking conditions of “ordinary human relationship.”